Advertisements and Advent

Since I sent out Christmas letters last week announcing our adoption and advertising this blog as the place to keep up-to-date with us, I thought it would be a good idea to keep the blog up-to-date.  We hosted a Pampered Chef open house yesterday and it went fabulous!  We hit the total sales mark where both the donation percentage and the consultant's commission (which she is generously donating too!) take a jump.  That means that 32% of ever sale will go to us.  We're keeping the sale open until Dec. 8 so if you need some holiday baking supplies, or have a cook to shop for you can still shop online at www.pamperedchef.biz/mariechrist.  Just use my name as the host.  We also listed some new items on Etsy.com yesterday.  Our store name is Taylor Adoption

Our goal is still to have our home study completed by Christmas, and we are so thankful as God is already providing our needs to meet that goal.

As today is the first Sunday in Advent, I also wanted to share some thoughts from our Sunday School lesson today.  The Scripture reading was out of Isaiah 2, but I read through chapter 1 this morning as well.  Twice within Isaiah 1 orphans are discussed.  First Judah is commanded to "Defend the cause of the fatherless", and later is chastised for neglecting to do just that.  Obviously those verses stood out strongly in my mind.  Against that backdrop I read Isaiah 2:1-5 where Isaiah describes what it will be like in the last days when the LORD rules the world from Zion.  After expressing sorrow and exasperation over the current state of Judah Isaiah offers a glimpse of what is to come.  And that's how our advent season begins; with a promise of the glory to come when God will dwell among men.

It is so easy to become caught up in the world around us, whether that be the frantic consumer culture of the United States or the soul crushing poverty experienced in the third world.  Amidst all that God calls to us in this Advent season with a promise bringing hope, a glimpse of peace.  And here lies the beautiful mystery of Christmas, that into our lost and raging world God entered in as, Jesus, Emmanuel, God with us.

I've never really participated specifically in an advent observance, but I'm excited to this year!  I hope to be able to share some more thoughts from this time of anticipation and reflection.

Going Public

This is my beautiful family, but it is not complete.  I know I alluded to it in my last post, but tonight I want to make my proclamation - we are adopting a baby from Ethiopia.

It fills my heart with so much joy to share that.  I'll admit that I've struggled with fear and doubt.  Not that this is what we are supposed to be doing, but that something will happen to stop us in our tracks.  Obstacles have sprung up from the moment we decided this is what God was calling us to do, but every obstacle has been overcome or completely nullified.  So what am I waiting for?  Rejoice with us as we grow our little family by one sweet baby waiting for us in Ethiopia!

Bull's Eye

Today I'm feeling the bully's eye on my behind as we move forward in following God's call.  We already knew this would be a grueling week leading up to an overwhelming weekend filled with an art show, parents and grandparents coming to visit, and preaching on Sunday.  Also our first home study interview has been scheduled for next week.  It's a lot, sure, but we're thrilled to be moving forward.  I think that moving forward in our adoption and choosing to preach about adoption might be pushing some powers of darkness into a frenzy.  Emerson came to me at 6:20 this morning to tell me the Honda was breaking down.  Now the Honda has been a little champ the past 4 years amassing around 150,000 miles, but we knew he would run forever.  We didn't expect, however, that he would break down less than 72 hours have getting our van out of the shop for some serious (and seriously expensive!) repairs.  Why does this feel like a spiritual attack?  Because the financial toll of the repairs targets my deepest insecurities about the adoption right as we make a big push forward, and as we prepare to rally support for adoption within our church.  Not to mention the huge drain on my time from making 2 trips into Sedalia today when I already feel like I have limited time to prepare for Sunday.

All in all, I've remained joyful today.  I'm exhausted, but defeated.  I'm discouraged by our circumstances, but not dissuaded from our course.  I can taste God's goodness.  I can see the victory on the horizon.  I have faith that God will prove himself to be glorious beyond imagination.  And I trust that nothing comes into my life that has not first passed through God's hand.  What he does not remove he will bring me through. 

Lord, help me to walk by faith and not by sight.  I want to please you.

Committed

In many areas of my life I feel like I've been holding back, not giving my all, hiding my heart.  It's exhausting and soul draining.  You'd think that being fully engaged would take more effort, but I'm finding that to be so not true.  Splitting myself into pieces and trying to accomplish anything of significance without giving my all, that takes tremendous effort.  Self-preservation is funny that way.  You usually end up losing yourself anyways in the end, but have nothing to show for it since the thing you were striving the hardest for has still eluded your grasp.

Jeremiah 29:13-14 says,  "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."  All your heart.  God certainly asks a lot.  But God gives infinitely more in return.  Every pitiful ounce of my feeble will? Every piece of my ugly, sin-stained heart?  All this and God will give me... Himself?  His mighty, loving, incomparably glorious self?  Wow.  Doesn't really seem like a fair deal.  And maybe that's why we have a hard time going along with it.  We don't trust it to be true because of how intimately aware we are of our unworthiness.  So we try to protect our battered hearts instead of living out of a fully engaged heart. 

 Jesus speaks to this very tendency when he says, "For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." (Luke 9:24)  Will we find the same life, the same heart, we that lose for Jesus sake?  Nope.  Praise God.  He give us a better life than the one our finite minds conceive to be best for us.  He gives us Himself?  What could be better than a life lived in fellowship with the Lord?

Just this morning my lovely sisters from Bible study and I finished our study "Believing God", the foundation of which was a five statement pledge of faith.  Today, I'm choosing to believe God.  I'm believing that he is who he says he is and he will do what he says he can do.  I believing God will give me a life blessed with his presence when I seek him with all of my heart.

Here I go.  No more holding back.  No more offering only pieces of myself.  No more hiding my heart.  I'm committing to being committed. 

Enjoying the Process

Lately I've been learning a lot about enjoying the process.  I realize that I tend to get caught up in getting to the finished product and by doing that I am missing the simple joy of being present in the moment.  Ane has been helping me with this.  I usually hate letting her "help" me make things, especially in the kitchen, especially when I'm baking.  This week I let her help me make some muffins.  She really delights in helping me.  In mixing (and getting flour all over the counter.)  When I make baking "my thing", I miss out on sharing in her joy of just being with me doing something together.  I realize that if I want her to enjoy spending time with me in a few years, when she can actually be helpful, then I need to lay that foundation now.  The muffins turned out pretty good.  We devoured the whole batch in 2 days.  So we made rice krispy treats a few days later.  And it was fun!

Today we took this new perspective to a whole new level.  My sewing machine is something that I guard.  It's not super nice or anything, but I bought it and sitting at it is one place where I feel creative.  Ane really wants to help me sew things.  So today I found ways to let her help me.  We made stuffed felt strawberries.  She was so excited about our project.  She even made up a song about me.  "Mama makes good stuff... she makes me strawberries... great things... Mama makes great things."  I could have sat up by myself tonight sewing strawberries, intent on getting them done and not enjoying the process of making them, but then I would have missed out on the joy that Ane shared with me as I shared my project with her.  I would have missed the song.  I tell my yoga students throughout every class to "Be in the moment."  After trying that out for a few days in my own home, I am learning the wisdom and joy contained in that advice.

New Wheels

Since beginning the blog I've gotten sick and have been too tired to think of something coherent to say.  That hardly means that exciting life moments haven't been happening all around me.  And though I've certainly lost my temper and become frustrated, the motivation to remain joyful has been strong.  Perhaps because my continual exhortation to my 3 year old, Ane, has been, "Have a happy heart."  More than anything else, listening to her whine about something sends me over the edge with impatience.  Then her feelings get hurt and she whines more.  So we're working on having a good attitude together.  I'm thankful for a tip from some of my fantastic mom friends to have a jelly bean jar to encourage and reward good attitudes.  On the agenda for tomorrow: buy jelly beans.  Just the idea of gaining and losing jelly beans was a strong motivator for Ane today.  I'll be sure to update regarding the success of this new system.

Now to the really exciting things going on over the past few days.  My husband and I have been talking for months, maybe even years about getting a minivan.  We're only 26, so this may seem premature, but with two kids, a new puppy, and a strong desire to continue growing our family, we're ready to trade in coolness for practicality.  Our recent vacation to visit my family solidified our desire for more space NOW. 

With a limited budget, we casually began our search on Craigslist.  The sixth posting from the top was for a Windstar at the perfect price.  Wonder of wonders, we were the first the reply.  Today was the day to go take it for a test drive.  The owner lived about an hour away, so we tried to be on the ball getting out the door on time.  Right.  Like that would actually happen.  Stuff got spilled.  Directions were forgotten.  Baby Juniper even pooed right after being put in her carseat and needed a last minute change.  It was chaos, but my heart was prepared.  When I got up this morning I read through Psalm 37.  God spoke to my heart about his sole ability to uphold and provide for all who trust in him.  Even if we were running late, even if the van wasn't road worthy, even if our price was rejected, God was on our side, ever and always lovingly working for our good.

The van was better than we expected.  The seller was so kind and instantly smitten with our little girls.  Emerson goes to pick it up tomorrow.  He even just told me that he found a friend to ride out to get it with him so that the girls and I don't have to make the trip again.  What faithful provision from our loving Father?

This is certainly just the first step of what I know will be a CRAZY adventure of growing our little family, but what a way to begin!  With hearts swelling with joy and love.

Finally A Name

So I've been contemplating beginning a blog for months. I've found so much creative instruction and inspiration from other blogs and have thought that I, too, would enjoy the creative outlet of sharing my thoughts, aspirations and creations. And yet I've been reluctant to actually begin my own blog. Sure, a part of me feels intimidated to write for anyone to read, but I'll be honest, the biggest deterrent to beginning this blog has been coming up with a name. Silly, I know, but I figured that the name is what people read first and I wanted it to be something that was reflective of me and the content of my blog. Then tonight I was on the phone with my mom. We had just spent over a week visiting my parents, and Mom was telling me that whenever someone asked her how it was having everyone home to visit her reply was, "Joyful chaos."

And there it was. A name for my blog. Joyful Chaos is as much of a description as it is a challenge for me. As much as I try to organize and manage my life, the fact is that living life to the fullest entails quite a bit of chaos. It is the attitude of the heart that matters. And so my prayer is that the theme of joyful chaos would challenge me to check the attitude of my heart in all circumstances and to live with true joy.

So I'll do my best to be real here; knowing that happiness is fleeting, but true joy flows from the heart.