The only update I have to give is on the status of my heart

I just feel helpless sometimes most of the time when I think about our son in Ethiopia.  We've been on the wait list now for 4.5 months and have only moved up 12 spots; from for 42 to 30.  By my math we should have moved up 10 more spots to be halfway through what looked like an 8 month wait back in April. 

I spoke with our  wonderful social worker, Ashley, two weeks ago.  She was so very encouraging, but she said that the agency wasn't sure what exactly was causing the delay in referrals other than paperwork and investigations into the orphan status of children who WILL (very shortly!??) be referred to families in our agency.  Many families are also in the final phase before bringing their children home and a new in-country staff is working overtime to get them to the finish line.  We could very well find out this week that we have made a 10 place jump to where we anticipated we would be when we were added to the list 4.5 months ago.  Or we could still be #30 a month from now.  Who knows.  God knows.

He knows our son intimately. He knows whether he just celebrated his first birthday or is still in his mother's womb.  God knows.  And he knows the family that must make the hardest decision I can imagine. He knows where my child is, why he is there, and how long we must wait to be united.

I've had this dull ache in my gut that is becoming much more frequent; a deep soul recognition that my family is incomplete.  We've had some sweet family moments over the past few weeks (or I should say - I've savored some sweet family moments, for they are plentiful for the savoring if I would open the eyes of my heart to seem them as such.)  In those moments of contentment and delight the dull ache catches me unaware with the persistent claim that someone is missing. 

Emerson and I have long said that we are far from done adding to our family and anticipate what some might consider to be many more biological and adopted children joining our home someday.  It's not in that general way of desiring a big family that ours now seems to me incomplete, but it is a specific - there is someone in particular who is missing.  The eyes of my heart are constantly searching my home for a baby boy with curly black hair, velvety coffee skin, and round, deep brown eyes.  It reminds me of the final days of pregnancy when the desire to hold baby with arms begins to eclipse the delight of life growing within.  At least when I was ready for Juniper to just GET OUT ALREADY! I consoled myself into thinking that I was helping her towards that goal by walking waddling miles on the path that runs past our house.  All the pacing in the world won't bring my son sooner.

I feel helpless, but God knows.  I don't even know what my son is needing right now that I am not there to supply, but God knows.  I cannot be with my child, but God is.  The very best that I can do for my baby on the other side of the world is that best that I can do for the babies under my roof - I can pray.  Truly, am I not always incapable of meeting the needs of my children - even here in the land of emergency rooms, ATMs and 24-hour Wal-Marts - without the power and provision or the Glorious Father?  Am I able to accomplish anything of temporal or eternal significance apart from the indwelling of his Holy Spirit?

As I wait (and wait and wait and WAIT!) for the homecoming of my son I am not more helpless than I always am.  I wait, as always, on the perfect timing of Him who works out everything in conformity to the purpose of his will and so what more can I do than to wait on my knees, calling out to our Father who knows my son and will always be the source that supplies his every need.

I was touched by a blog post from some friends who are also in the long wait for the referral of their child.  Would you join us today, not by praying for us as we endure the uncertainty of our wait, but by praying specifically for our little ones who wait for a family a world away?  Pray for those who take care of them while we cannot.  Pray that our children would be shown love and have their needs met in a timely and compassionate way.  Pray that they would know that they are wanted. 

Thanks for all the love and support and prayers as we wait!

Looking Back as We Press Forward

I've committed myself to working on grant applications this week.  I just finished writing out a testimony for one and found what I was procrastinating as a just another chore to check off the list to be a great opportunity to gaze back on all the "Stones of Remembrance" as I explained the journey of my faith thus far. 


Here are a few excerpts:

I grew up in a Christian home and accepted Jesus as my Savior at the age of five, praying with my mom on a summer evening after concluding my first Vacation Bible school experience.  Even as a young child I felt called to ministry, often answering adults that I would like to be a missionary doctor in Africa when I grew up.  

After graduating high school I attended the Moody Bible Institute, majoring in Urban Ministries.  My career goals had changed from my childhood dreams of being a missionary doctor, but I still felt God’s call into ministry.  
 

 I have often struggled to reconcile what I have felt to be a lifetime of calling towards ministry with my wholehearted belief that the best for my children is to be their primary caregiver.  More and more I am realizing that these two things are not just compatible, but one and the same calling.  I’m astounded as I look back on my life and see that what at the time I had thought were divergent paths were actually ribbons interwoven, mingling and crossing and separating, but ultimately twisting together into the life God has always been calling me to – a life devoted to Him throughout every season of life.  Right now, I’m smiling to think of me as a small child, heart overflowing with compassion to heal the bodies and spirits of children in Africa when presently I’m endeavoring to do just that, though not in a way I could have ever imagined as a child.  God is calling me to Africa, to Ethiopia, and to live the hidden ministry of a stay-at-home mom.  Only by his glorious design could these callings be woven into this story I’m living as we prepare to bring our son home from Ethiopia.

How is God weaving together your life story today?


P.S.

 

Healing Tears

Crazy long weekend!  I sat down all ready to compose my Multitudes on Mondays post and just now realized that it is Tuesday.  So I'm a day late in publicly sharing my gratitude for the week, but then I stopped to think about how even this is a gift of grace.

Last night I spoke with a friend in an all too familiar situation.  Newly pregnant and experiencing symptoms that spark fears of impending loss.  Oh how I ache and hope for her!  I've walked those halls to have blood work drawn again and again.  I've scrambled hard and seen string of unfamiliar doctors, seeking hope in their care. 

Hope.  There is still so much reason to hope.

Has it really  been five and half years since hope was torn out like a rug from underneath me?  How has so much time passed already, and when in that sprinting time did my heart heal?  When we heard Angalina's heartbeat? When we saw her tiny body and heard her forceful cry? When we uprooted our lives and prepared for our future?  When Juniper came like a textbook? When we decided to expand again on a path requiring so much more perseverance, hope, and ardor than any pregnancy demanded of me?

The memories hope dashed no longer sear right through me.  Drops of grace have bled through.

Last night I sat on my bed and cried rivers of tears as I remembered, perhaps for the first time with thanksgiving, while looking through the box that was given to me to carry all the memories of our baby that never came to be.  My heart swelled with eucharisteo for the drops of grace held in that box: 

Words of compassion scrawled by those who had walked in the same river of heartache - especially the words of Grandpa Waylon, now reunited with his unborn child in the presence of Jesus.  Words of our own hope and devastation mingled in a journal illuminating the change in our lives from children to parents.  Tiny clothes given to and saved for the tiny one who never wore them speaking of the excitement and enduring love of a faithful friend. 

This box thought to contain the most painful of memories was opened at long last and found to be overflowing with grace. 

Open my heart today, Heavenly Father, to see and savor your grace in each moment.

From gifts 132-172
Emerson's 27th Birthday
Heart to heart with a dear friend
Happy baby news
Family #34!
Hubby's safety during tornado
Lying down to a chorus of thanksgiving.
Family devotions
Juniper's first haircut
the glimmering dance of hot coals
grace that covers my filthy brokeness
Ane's feet pounding down the hallway to find Baba & Papa
Seeing a friend at Wal-Mart
The Holy Spirit bags during the children's message
Seeing the baby rhino at the zoo
Remembering and grieving
Readiness in my heart to pass on my "box"

Taking Time to be Thankful for a Friend

This week I feel like I hit my first milestone in my list of 1000 Gifts as on Friday morning I recorded gift #100.  The past two weeks of recording, pausing, reflecting, filling with the wonder and fullness of each moment has begun to clear the gunk out of the eyes of my heart.  The discipline is training my heart.  Even in the mild annoyances of my life when I feel the frustration and anger begin to bubble up, I feel my heart reaching out for a place to hang thanksgiving, a place to pierce that which is seen and temporal so that that which is unseen and eternal might shine through the pinprick.  I don't think the hard eucharisteo ever become easy, but rather we feast our hearts on thanksgiving daily so that in the moment of crisis we have trained ourselves to know that no other response will satisfy our famished souls.

My dear friend, Sarah, my 100th gift was bittersweet to write in the morning as I headed to her "official" good-bye celebration at our Friday Bible Study.  I wouldn't even be a part of that sacred sisterhood had it not been for God's grace poured upon my lonely life one late summer evening at the park nearly four years ago.  That a spontaneous conversation pushing our babies on the swings would lead to such a friendship speaks to me of God's love for relationship that happens down on the nitty-gritty life on life level.  My sweet friend walked with me through my first years of motherhood and it's hard for me to even think about her moving away in just over two weeks without tears coming to my eyes.

Her leaving doesn't lessen the gift of her friendship.  In fact, finding the words to say good-bye has only deepened my affection for her as I took the time to consider all the ways she has touched my life.  My only regret is not feeling fully the weight of this precious gift until the moment of its leaving.  And so I will continue to endeavor to mark each moment with gratitude in hope that I might begin to feel the fullness of each moment swell together into a full life - being fully alive.

Here are some of the gifts from #70-128
Moving up at least three spots on the waiting families list
Spontaneous morning sermon to hubby who willingly listened
Hurried Hubby pausing to take out the garbage on his way to work
Books that can dry up tears
Break Machine
finding the words to say good-bye to a dear friend
Book Club
3 loads of laundry on the line before lunch
Diverse beauty and ability at yoga
Absent minded baking mistake
remembering the hard eucharisteo
sharing with hubby the grace in what I impulsively called an inconvenience 
a finished cake
Angalina performing her preschool program
The innumerable ways she has grown this year
Sarah, my first friend in this town
sacred circle of sisterhood in Christ
Fluffy balls of batter plopping into mini cups
Stranger's heart touched by our adoption story
Grace to cover every endeavor
Backyard plunder for dinner
Juniper playing in the pew for the whole service
Having to purchase more cake supplies
Hand and foot rubs after a long day of decorating
Baking bagels with Ane
her pink drawing of our whole family

Multitude Mondays

A few months ago I came across a blog that I thought was so simply, and beautifully written.  Somehow I noticed that the blog's author was soon releasing a book about living fully right where you're at.  It sounded intriguing, but mostly because a friend had recently written a book review of a book that for some reason I connected to this one soon to be released.  So I sent her a link and completely moved on. 

Fast forward to a week or two before Easter and I follow a link and arrive once again at the beautifully written blog that I had all but forgotten about.  This time I stay and browse through the archives.  I'm captivated by her life and her faith, and I find myself daily reading her words to refresh and inspire my heart.  It takes about a week before I drop the very un-subtle hint that for Mother's Day I would like her book.  And then my sweet husband, aware of both our limited gift buying resources as well as my desire spends extra time at work completing a teacher survey in order to receive an Amazon gift card so that he could purchase my gift.

And what a gift it has been!  I wrote a few days ago that I would wait until today to share a bit of what God is cultivating in my heart this spring, and here's why: I wanted to join in the chorus of thanksgiving that rises up and swirls together every Monday at Ann's Blog.  Her book is about living fully right where you are by doing this one profound thing - giving thanks.  Giving thanks for the grand and the everything, but also giving thanks for the minute, the skimmed over, the infinitesimals that make each moment.  And so I have begun my list of 1000 and more gifts.  Here are a few highlights from this past week of giving thanks:

1. Waking up in Hubby's arms.
2. Praying for our children (both in our home and waiting in Ethiopia)
7. Ane's hair iridescent in the sunlight under the apricot tree.
8. Mysteriously hot wind at dawn
9. finishing a book
12. tiny clothes on the line
13. planting brightly colored flowers
14. Seeing the garden take shape and begin to grow
19. Laughing on pillows in the dark
20. Encouraging a soon to be mom
24. Working as a family at the farm
25. Juniper talking to the horses
27. The scent of thunderstorms
30. Continuous indwelling of the Holy Spirit
31. Marked and sealed for eternity
35. Sister snuggles
37. Juniper saying "Yee Haw"
38. Homemade ice cream in the middle of the day
41. One orange iris
46. Tiny hands between mine at the sink
47. Words of truth sung out from child's lips
48. Teaching sisters to share
51. Shaping dough and shaping a heart
54. Passing on grandma's dumpling to my girls
60. Healthy kids
61. Warm, running water.
66. The quiet that only happens at naptime.
69. The way thankfulness molds the heart.

Breakfast Epiphany

Lately, oh let's say for the past 3 weeks, I've been working really hard at bringing some self-discipline into my life.  This has primarily taken the form of waking up earlier than what had been my usual for the past 3+ years and starting my day with the Word and prayer.  I'll not lie and say the first few attempts were easy.  In fact, they were brutal, but by God's grace I've been able to stick with it, and it has been such a blessing.  I get to spend a few minutes with my hubby before he leaves for work, and sometimes we even get to pray together.  I sip the coffee he expertly prepared for us, read, pray, write, just think and let my soul expand a little before the day starts chipping away at me.  The first few days the girls would wake up the moment my butt hit the couch, but I think even their circadian rhythms are now respecting this much needed time in my life.  I want to share it bit about what God has been speaking to my heart in these days of increasing my intentionality, but I'm going to wait til Monday, and hopefully it will be clear why.  Until then, I'll just discuss my "breakfast epiphany".

Now I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with cereal.  I distinctly remember a phase in adolescence when I ate wheat chex with a banana everyday for breakfast up until the moment I could think of nothing more vile, and went for months without eating a bowl of cereal.  I've been back to loving cereal for a while now.  I cannot think of a more perfect bedtime snack than a bowl of slightly sweet, but still nutritious cereal and ice cold milk (which, by they way I only drink out of a glass maybe once a month, and then only with cookies).  No matter how late I've eaten dinner by 8:45 my body is screaming for a bowl of cereal.  However, cereal in the mornings has become less and less appealing.  Maybe it has something to do with what I suddenly perceive as the ridiculous price, or the fact that the seemingly infinite number of choices at the store is reduced by 7/8ths when I take a glance at the ingredient list.  Seriously, BHT in every box. 

And so after looking through a brunch cookbook last night I smirk to myself, "I could make a decent breakfast for my family cheaper than the cost of buying cereal."  And while this might sound far fetched, I know it to be true because we have 3 dozen eggs from our chickens currently waiting to be used in my refrigerator and computing the cost of goods for my cakes I've realized just how cheap it can be to make something from scratch.

Then this morning after Ane insists on cold cereal and as we all sit down to the breakfast table I begin flipping through another cookbook and this thought hits me: "Not only can I make breakfast from scratch for roughly the same price as cereal, but I can make food that is way healthier."  Back to the BHT.  Is there anything harmful from daily ingesting a preservative meant to deter warehouse rats?  And what about the other preservatives, even just sodium?  What about all of the ingredients that have been modified for whatever reason?  I could make something so much healthier.  The only reason cereal (and other foods) are fortified with so many vitamins and minerals is because we've processed all the good stuff out of the whole foods to make them packageable and marketable.  So there.  This is my new goal - to make a healthy breakfast from whole foods to nourish my family from the beginning of the day. 

Now I just need to figure out what to do for my bedtime snack.

#42

Just as I had been telling people all week that we hoped to be on the wait list sometime next week I received and e-mail today from our social worker to let us know that they received our documents back from DC so we are officially on the waiting families list.  Did you catch that? WE ARE ON THE WAIT LIST!!!

Officially we are family #42 on the overall list.  We are blown away.  We were initially hoping to be less than 100, and then were hoping to squeak in under 50, but 42?!  We feel so blessed.

The situation with the proposed slow down in processing with the Ethiopian government remains up in the air.  Progress is being made and the continuing conversations between many different entities and ministries leave us feeling hopeful.  At this point the wait time for a referral is looking like 6-12 months, but the wait for our paperwork to be approved through the courts could take longer than under the current format if procedures change.  We are certain though that our baby is in Ethiopia, maybe not even born yet.  We can't see what lies between us and him, but we have faith in the One who has brought us this far, and know that there is nothing that can stand against us when we walk with Him on this road of obedience.

We've come so far, worked so long, and in a very real way it feels like we are only now just beginning this adventure.  A few months ago I watched the sweetest video of another family's journey to Ethiopia to bring home their son and the words from one of the songs in their video has been running through my mind lately:

"Baby there ain't no mountain high enough,
Ain't no valley low enough,
Ain't no river wide enough, to keep me from getting to you, babe!"

I don't know this family, but watching their story always makes my heart swell as we look forward to the day we too will bring our child home.

http://vimeo.com/14597892

One More *Tiny* Wait

I just got the word from our agency social worker that our dossier passed the final review and will be sent to Washington, DC on Thursday for authentication.  It should take 1-2 weeks for our agency to get our dossier back and then we are officially on the wait list!!

It's Out of our Hands

Yesterday was a busy one!  We started off back at the credit union for one more notarization and then to the doctor's office (and their notary) to straighten out my medical clearance letter (which had been in revisions for a week!!)  And then we were all off to Jefferson City!

Our first stop in Jefferson City, after stopping at a tiny town along the way because Ane was just sure she would never be able to wait any longer for a restroom and resorting to eating at McDonald's and then finding out we were 10 minutes from Jefferson City and better food...  Wait, where was I?

Right, our first stop in Jefferson City was at the State Police Headquarters where we were fingerprinted once again so that we could be written a letter stating we have no criminal record.  I did end up getting one of the most unusual compliments of my life when the technician told me in an admiring sort of voice that I have very nice fingerprints.  I guess he would know.

With our notarized police letters in hand, along with a whole stack of documents we've been accumulating for the past few months, we traveled next to the State Information Building to have all of our notarized documents state certified.  Essentially an additional letter is attached to each document stating the the notary is in fact an actually person authorized by the state to notarize letters.  The estimated wait of about 10 minutes was more like 30.  The kids, especially Juniper, had a great time running up and down the halls.  The information building is beautiful with lots of natural light because it has a open, atrium like structure through the middle of the building, around which the halls and offices are located.  Think of a fancy hotel except instead of looking down into the lobby/restaurant/pool area from the open hallways you're looking down into a library.  And then imagine you're in the library and up on the third floor there are kids running up and down the hallways and a toddler shouting "Hi!" and waving down at you.  And thus is how we spent our time waiting for the certification.  The good news is that we could have waited weeks for certification if we had sent the documents by mail instead of walking them in person.  The information building is right across the parking lot from the beautifully grand state capitol building, but after the show our kids put on for the folks at the Secretary of State, we decided to take a field trip to the capitol when they are a bit older and more able to appreciate it (read: will not disturb hard working lawmakers).

We decided to stop for ice cream at a highly recommended local shop and head for home.

This morning I went through the documents for like the 20th time, putting them all in order, attaching a letter to our social worker, and writing out the largest check of my life.  Then I bundled everything together and tied a it up with a ribbon.  We had the girls come sit with us and we all laid our hands on the bundle of documents and prayed that God would continue to bless our family on this journey as we turn everything over to our agency.

Emerson and the girls took the dossier to the post office this morning.  Emerson said the van, which has been running great, sputtered and died at the stoplight a block from the post office.  He revved up the engine and when the light turned green they were on their way.  The van ran just fine on the way home.  What a minor, odd thing to even mention, except that episode contained a lot of meaning for Emerson.  Over and over again since we made the decision to adopt there have been things, odd, sometime minor, sometimes major, that have happened to us that have seemed to us to be very clear deterrents to our adoption. (Side note, I just noticed that our mail box has been hit again.)  The van stalling a block away from the post office as Emerson was heading to mail it to our agency reinforced to him again just how opposed this path is that we are walking. We have had our hearts reassured in a vast variety of ways that we are walking in obedience to God's Word and the call his has specifically spoken to our hearts. 

Thank you for praying for us as we continue on this journey of faith.  We've come to the tremendously freeing (or fear-inducing) stage of knowing that everything is out of our hands.  After our dossier takes a quick trip to Washington D.C. to visit the Ethiopian Embassy, we will be assigned our number on the waiting family list.  And then we wait..... Just this morning I read the weekly program update sent out by our agency.  10 babies were referred to families this week.  Five boys and five girls.  All 10 babies were between 3 and 6 months old.  The families had waited between 5.5 and 11 months for their referrals.  5.5 months!  I bet those parents nearly fainted with the unexpectedly early phone call!  And now we will be numbered with the waiting multitude.  For how long?  Well, just like our dossier now, that's really out of our hands.

Flurry of Frantic Documentation

We're not sure yet if it because we live so close (35 miles) from the national processing center, or if it is because of my slip up with the signatures on the initial application, but we received of CIS approval on Tuesday - that's right just one week after our fingerprinting!  So all that blah, blah, blah I said about having a few weeks to see what happens in Ethiopia because we can't move forward without the I-171H form just flew out the window because I have the form in my hand and its a lovely thing to behold.

So I spent most of yesterday afternoon tracking down, printing out, and getting directions to obtain notarized and certified copies of our remaining documents - which includes another doctor visit to update the medical letter that has expired, printing out photos of our home and family, and it looks like we'll be making a trip over to Jefferson City next week to get fingerprinted (Again?!) by the state police.  If all of these fingerprints are electronic copies I'm sort of at a loss at so why all of the different entities don't just share the database, but it won't be a wasted trip by any means since we can take all of our notarized documents to a government office in Jefferson City to be certified the same day.  And once their all certified their ready to go! (first to be authenticated, and then to Ethiopia!)

I talked with our wonderful social worker again today.  I'm am so thankful that God brought such a kind, level-headed, encouraging and capable person into our life.  She has been a blessing at every stage of this journey.  We don't have enough good things to say about her or our agency, Children's Hope International.

She again had cautiously optimistic news for us regarding the policy happenings in Ethiopia.  While nothing is official yet, things are looking like they will turn out far more positive than we even hoped for after hearing the first news of change.  We, I especially, feel ready to keep moving forward.  God's hand has so evidently be with us every step of this journey.  He has stirred our hearts and called us to walk by faith.  He has provided financially above and beyond what was required at every stage of our journey.  He led us to Children's Hope, and has brought so many people and stories into our life over the past 9 months to spur us onward in our obedience to his calling.  And we trust that, having begun this good work in us he will carry it on unto a completion that magnifies his glory according to the promises we cling to in Christ Jesus.

Rejoice with us in the step we are about to make!  Though we can't see what lies ahead, we know the presence of the One who walks alongside us. 

Choosing to See Hope on the Horizon

I suppose the best time for life to be put on hold is when your not in a place where you can make a decision to move forward anyways.  And so it is with us as we wait in this holding pattern, still holding out hope for an Ethiopian adoption, while not yet being quite to a place where we have to show our cards.

We had a good, honest conversation with our social worker yesterday.  Although nothing officially has changed regarding the recent changes to the adoption procedure, we were reassured to learn that much is going on behind the scenes and that the coming weeks still hold much promise for producing a stronger intercountry adoption program in Ethiopia.

So we're still holding out hope, waiting in a stage of the process where we can't yet move forward, so we might as well wait out the developments of the coming weeks.

Our CIS fingerprinting appointment was this morning at 8AM.  We arrived early, parked in the employee parking, were told to move, welcomed through security, waited about 30 minutes, showed our appointment notices, filled out some forms, chatted with a worker whose wife is from Bulgaria about our time in Macedonia while he pushed our fingers down onto a little pad, and walked out the door.  Now we just wait to decided what, who, or where we'll be waiting for.

Thanks for lifting us up during this crazy time.

Wounded Waiting

What do you do when you watch what you have been working, praying, saving and striving towards for nearly 9 months beginning to disintegrate?

I've heard stories and known dear friends who have lost babies in the last phase of pregnancy.  I know other friends and have heard the stories of others who have had foster children taken away or watched helplessly through bureaucratic maneuverings as the child that had been referred to them ends up placed with another family.

I've gone through a miscarriage myself and the darkness from those days when a hopeful future turned black taunts my soul.

The hopeful what-ifs and too terrified to be whispered aloud prayers swirling in my head until the receiving the definitive word of termination. 

We still don't know what exactly is going on in Ethiopia - the exact reasoning behind the proposed changes (to go into effect today) or how our adoption will be affected.  We have avoided chat rooms or any information other than what our agency is giving us so that we don't stoke the fires of panic that are beginning to glow in our hearts.  I have even resisted calling our social worker.  We are not yet on the waiting family list.  I'm sure she's dealing with families who are in this a lot deeper than we are and I like to think she would have no more information than what has been made public through agency emails, so I'm telling myself that, along with avoiding definitively bad news, I'm just being one less person she has to worry about in this stressful time.

We are scheduled to get fingerprinted with CIS on Tuesday.  As the Dept. of Homeland Security has already cashed our sizeable check, we've decided to keep moving forward with our application to immigrate a child.  Hopefully in the few weeks it will take to get our approval form we will have a better idea of what will be our next step.

Please pray for us, for the Ethiopian officials making these decisions, and especially for the children who will go to sleep tonight without being cuddled in a mother's arms, sung sweet lullabies by their daddy, and without knowing that they are loved, safe, and home.

If you haven't already, please go to this site to sign the petition on behalf of Ethiopia's orphans.
http://www.gopetition.com/petition/43714.html

Biometrics Appointment

Biometrics sounds so fancy.  We like reading Fancy Nancy stories at our house, and Ane is constantly asking us how to do ________ fancy or how to say __________ fancy.  Really though, biometrics is just a fancy way of saying we're getting our fingerprints taken.  Our application has made it far enough along in the CIS processing that we've been assigned March 15th as our date to go get fingerprinted in Kansas City.  We've had people ask where we're at in the process, so although we're really still in the same phase of waiting for approval to go on the Waiting Families List, we are seeing some progress.  Our social worker said our approval form will arrive a few weeks following the fingerprinting. 

Right now we're just getting together the last of our documents and references needed for our dossier, which also means having at least one document redone since, can you believe this, its been 6 months since we officially began this process.  I'm just hoping that if the past six months seem to have gone by so quickly, our 7+ month on the wait list will too.  I daydream about snuggling our beautiful baby in my arms, but I'm also trying to make the most of the time I've been given right now with my two silly, fancy, growing, beautiful girls.

Thanks for your love, support and prayers! 

Application Accepted for Processing

Well, it's another snow day down here is western Missouri which means Daddy is home to play with the kiddos while I get a moment to write an update.  Really, at this point there is little to update concerning our adoption.  Our immigration application was sent into the Department of Homeland Security and now we're just waiting for approval from them so we can go on the waiting families list.  I did receive an email from them today saying that our application had been accepted for processing.  Well duh, that's why we sent it, big deal, right?  Well, actually, yeah, since 2 weeks ago we got our original application returned with a rejection notice.  We had forgotten to sign the application.  (DUHH!!!!)  So I headed out at the very beginning of last week's blizzard to resubmit the application, and have had flashes of doubt ever since on what else I could have forgotten.  Thanks to the "Do Not Reply" email this morning I can now confidently say that it's out of our hands.  Our social worker and adoption agency gave their wholehearted recommendation of us as adoptive parents in the home study, so now the US government just has to issue their agreement of that assessment.  We're hoping to have our CIS approval in about 3 months, at which time we'll officially join the waiting families list.  In the mean time we're finishing up our adoptive parent training and wrapping up paperwork to be sent to Ethiopia when we go on the wait list.  We're feeling truly blessed as we look at our adoption account and see just how close we already are to our next goal amount which we need to become a waiting family.  God is so gracious in providing for us!  Thank you to everyone who has supported us in prayer or with finances!!!

Last week was a full one for our families.  I lead the Sunday morning service and preached at our church this past Sunday and I truly consider the blizzard and 4 snow days to have been God's wonderful provision of time for me to prepare.  Emerson was a HUGE help around the house and with the kids so I could study, write, and rehearse, and was a fantastic spiritual support for me.  The service went great and I think God was really glorified in what we did together.  We're not the typical church ministry couple with the wife on the piano and the husband at the pulpit, but we are learning to honor God with our unique giftings of Emerson on the guitar leading the congregation into worship and me at the pulpit.  We're still working out the kinks, but love being able to serve our church family as a team.

We weren't able to video this most recent message as our church does not provide childcare so Emerson was sitting with the kiddos during the sermon and was unable to run the camera, but we do have video of a sermon from November when my parents were visiting and able to hold the kids while Emerson ran the camera.  It is a sermon on the spiritual reality and practical command of adoption.  I hope to post it soon.

Have a happy snow day!

And just like that we're moving on...

It feels like we've been trying to finish our home study since we had a garage sale in September to raise money to start it.  And just like that....

Time is so weird to me sometimes.  Days seem to drag on - when the kids are sick and whiny, when daddy has to work late, when you're waiting everyday to get the news that everything has been turned in and the home study is finalized.  Yet months and years somehow fly by.  It's been five years this week since we landed in Macedonia.  We've lived in Warrensburg three and a half years.  Most surprisingly fast - our daughters are 4 and 18 months.  And now, the home study phase of our adoption is done.

We've been working months towards this point; raising money, compiling and notarizing documents, traveling for interviews, raising more money, preparing our home for inspection and then having a car crash in our yard.  The email from our social worker on Wednesday seemed almost anticlimactic - "The Home Study is in the mail on its way to you! Congratulations on being done with this step!"  All that work and waiting, then just like that... we're moving on.

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good.
                           His love endures forever.
Give thanks to the God of heaven.
                           His love endures forever.
Psalm 136:1&26

The moment I get that home study I'm putting it right back in the mail with our CIS-600A application to immigration.  Pray for a quick reply.  Applications are currently backlogged and it could take us a few months to receive approval.  We cannot go on our agency's waiting family list until we have approval from immigration. 

We are so thankful to God who has brought us this far!  His love endures forever!

Back At It

Too long.  Too long.  Fear of not knowing how to best express what's going on is my primary motivation to procrastinate writing on the blog, but then if I never do it, how will I ever get better at it? 

The holidays seem ages ago.  We certainly had our most *interesting* Christmas yet as a family.  Being sick with a stomach bug is awful.  Dealing with kids puking in their beds is awful.  Getting sick away from your own home is awful.  Getting sick on Christmas Eve is awful.  Add all of these awful things together... and that was our Christmas.  Pretty epic.

But - We had such a great time spending a few days at Emerson's parents'.  The family was complete, and completely chaotic with all of the siblings, spouses and tusins! (Ane's word for cousins.)

We played more Settlers than we have since living in Macedonia, Emerson got to spend some time outdoors hunting with his dad, and I even got some quiet time to myself (well, as quiet a place as you can find in a house with cousins rampaging through it).

I had brought my Friday morning Bible study workbook with me and enjoyed working through the lessons.  Most things in my spiritual life seem to revolve around our adoption.  This is the walk of faith that God has called us to at this time, so it makes sense that he is using this journey to cultivate my relationship with him.  There were some powerful and encouraging lessons on opposition and the victory we have in Christ.  The lesson that proved to be most penetrating to me included a multiple choice answer section with the question being; "When you face a situation that calls for action, do you normally.... a.) Seek the advice of friends; then act. b.)Seek the advice of friends, seek God; then act.  c.)Act immediately and then regret your actions. d.)Seek God and act.  e.)Seek God, wait for his direction; then act."

Wait for his direction.  That concept struck me in the face as the option that should characterize my life and yet really looked least like me.  Little did I know what God had in store for our family the next day.  We were already to start packing up the van to head home.  Emerson went out to the driveway to back the van into the garage to begin packing, when the transmission wouldn't go into a gear.  There was no way we were driving the van home.  I was devastated.  This van, that seemed so much this summer to be a sign of God's provision and blessing of our decision to adopt was again malfunctioning.  We just spent a huge amount of money to fix the heater and now this?!  Doubt and discouragement coursed through my mind and heart, and with it the impulse to act hastily to remedy the situation, strangling it into submission to my own will.  Without even knowing the mechanical diagnosis I was ready to start spitting out my opinions on how to fix everything.

And then this multiple choice question began pressing forward from the back of my mind.  The Holy Spirit gently questioning me as to whether I would wait on his leading, or rely on my own "wisdom".

We ended up driving home in my mother-in-law's van (which Ane noticed only when we were within an hour of home, "When did our van turn blue?!")  On our way I shared what I had been learning in Bible study with Emerson and told him that I would not be expressing my ideas on what should be done.  I was going to pray for God to give him wisdom and wait for him to decide what was best for our family.  I tell you there were days that I thought I'd have to bit my tongue clean off to keep from persuasively arguing all of my ingenious plans.  We had to wait a few weeks to even find out what was wrong, and how much the repairs would be since the repair shop wasn't even open the week in between Christmas and New Year's.  During this time I began to see how I had allowed our van (our used 1999 Ford Windstar) to become a status symbol for me as I parked it alongside all of the other minivans dropping children off at preschool.  That's not what it was supposed to be.  It was God's blessing and provision, not something for me to find pride in.  It'll be months before our third baby comes home and we need that extra space.  We would be just fine if we had to cram our car seats into the tiny backseat of our Civic for a few months.  With or without the van, God still loved us and was at work for our good.

Waiting for word on what I just knew would be remarkably expensive repairs came across a very nonchalant post on Emerson's Facebook page from his father saying the repairs were done and the cost wasn't bad at all.  I was shocked.  What?  No new transmission was required?  Top it off with a comment from his mom saying that she'd cover the cost instead of contributing towards our adoption costs for a while.  What?  Now there isn't even a decision to be made or an action to be taken?  I was just waiting for God's direction and he went and took care of the whole problem.  He is so good!  So loving!  So gracious in his dealings with me!

"He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake." Psalm 23:3b
"Good and upright is the LORD; therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.  He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way.  All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful." Psalm 25:8-10a

This is just a glimpse of what has been on my heart, and it has been delightful to share it with you.