Sunday, December 12, 2010

The Mailbox




Turns out the officer who asked whether our mailbox had been smashed prior to the accident had good reason too.  I was stunned on Saturday morning as we pulled out of our driveway.  The post on which the mailbox sat was completely unscathed - not scratched or even bent.  However the mailbox on top was smashed flat.  I knew Emerson had to pry the mail out of it, but I just assumed that the entire thing, post and all had been run over.  Enhancing the already bizarre story is the fact that the car was airborne coming through the intersection and smashed our mailbox as it came down into the driveway.  That the car was going fast enough for that to be physically possible is mind-boggling.  Even more incomprehensible is that no one was seriously injured.  Nothing is beyond God's concern or control.

In today's advent sermon from Isaiah 9 our pastor translated the prophetic term, "Mighty God" as "Divine Hero".  I love it.  He certainly is.  Amen!

Friday, December 10, 2010

The Home Study was the Least Eventful Part of My Day

I still don’t feel like I have the words to express what happened today because merely retelling the events doesn’t seem close to revealing the whole story.

We’ve spent the past few days preparing for our social worker to visit our home to complete our home study interviews.  As we were doing our final clean-ups after lunch I went into the living room to change Joon’s diaper before putting her down for her nap.  As I stand up from changing her diaper I happen to look out our front window at the exact moment a white car traveling too fast to be believable comes tearing up our driveway.  It sped out of my range of vision just as it began to veer to the right, up the slight embankment separating our drive from the college’s rugby field.

Stunned I screamed, grabbed Joon, and ran out our back door.  The car was gone.  For those of you who have never seen our house, as I said, our driveway is bordered by University playing fields.  Our drive ends at a steel cattle gate leading into a pasture.  A wood-ish area separates that pasture from and open field behind the rugby field.

Standing in my driveway I am really confused.  There is no car.  There is not even a sound.  I walk up the small hill separating our drive from the rugby field certain that I will see the car flipped over in the ditch and again, nothing.  Barely 30 seconds had passed since I saw the white car streak past our window and I’m already second guessing myself.  In the stress of preparing for the home study had I just imagined it?  Was I simply looking at a wrong angle and only saw a car accelerating down the street?  Or had the Delorian blasted back to the future?

Now, less than a minute after sprinting out of my house, our social worker turns down our driveway, in which I am still standing completely dumbfounded.  Seconds later a pickup truck also turns down our drive.  Our social worker mirrors my perplexed expression, but the elderly man who exits the pickup exclaims, “Did you see that car?!”

“Yes! Yes I did!” I reply, “but where did it go?”  He tells me that it barreled up the hill next to our drive, missing the pasture it went into the wood-ish area leading to the field behind the rugby field.  I run up the little hill with him, and sure enough, there is the white car resting about 50 feet away.  I run to the house yelling for Emerson, leaving our confused social worker in the backyard with the pickup man and his wife, who had already called 911.

Emerson ran out to the car, and I was horrified as I imagined what he would discover.  It was one of those moments where a million of the worst possibilities rush through your mind.  And then I heard Emerson talking to someone, then another voice joined his, and then he was walking towards us with a very dazed looking young man who he convinced to sit down in the grass on the little hill.  Now we begin to hear the sirens.  We watch as the first police car turns down the wrong road and then the second car drives past.  The third squad car sees the small group of us waving frantically in our driveway (our house sits about 70 yards from the road.)  Emerson has returned to the car and within moments our drive and front yard is filled with 7 squad cars, 3 fire trucks and 2 ambulances.  As the emergency responders rush to action our social worker tells me her story.
She had initially missed our turn and in the mere moments after she drove past and turned back the car had shot down our drive.  She was completely unaware, and yet if she had made the turn into our driveway on her first pass she would have been hit with deadly force by the white blur.

We remained outside and I gave my statement to the police.  The young man’s mother was still in the car.  She was conscious and we saw her loaded on a stretcher into an ambulance.  Paramedics cared for the young man in the yard where he had sat down.  He couldn’t recall anything and as far as we were able to discover, he had suffered a seizure prior to loosing control of the car.

Returning to the house we dazedly began our interviews.  I didn’t lose it til I finally put Joon down for her nap.  There were just so many “what ifs…”  We heard the helicopter land shortly after beginning our interview.

Our social worker’s miraculous timing was illustrated again when she told us that she had actually been pulled over by an officer on her way to our house.  He stopped her, not for a violation, but to simply ask if she was ok.  What?  Yeah, he just wanted to make sure she was alright.  After asking if she was traveling for work and where she was heading, to which she replied, “Yes, I’m a social worker for an international adoption agency traveling to meet with a family adopting from Africa,” he told her to have a nice day and sent her on her way.  The entire stop cost her about 5 minutes.  Five minutes that kept her out of our driveway.

The emergency vehicles slowly exited our property, and Ane alerted us each time one departed.  Eventually an officer knocked on our door.  He was taking inventory of the damage and asked if our mailbox was squashed prior to the incident.  “Ummm, no sir, the mailbox was not smashed flat prior to this afternoon.”

Needless to say, the home study was the least eventful part of the day.  Our interviews wrapped up pleasantly and our social worker headed back to St. Louis.

Emerson went outside with Joon to gather the eggs and then he walked down the drive to our squashed mailbox to get the mail.  I called a dear friend to recount the day’s activity and she invited me over for some wine time with some other Bible study ladies who were already at her house.  As I was heading to the car Emerson called me over to see what had come in the mail.

Out of our decimated mailbox he had brought in a small note attached to a large check from a relative who wanted to support our adoption.  I lost it again.  This time huge, shaking sobs.  I pulled myself away from him and composed myself enough to make the mile drive to my friend’s house, where I promptly lost it again in the embraces of my sweet sisters.

And that is the absolutely bizarre incident that revealed to me the depth of the spiritual significance our adoption.  Emerson said tonight that Satan hates adoption and I told him that was an understatement.  An untold number of what ifs today could have stopped our adoption cold.  But our God is greater.  Our God is stronger. 

This morning in Bible study we watched a video with a godly woman preaching that our anointing with the Holy Spirit guarantees opposition, but it also guarantees supernatural results.  God is at work on behalf of our precious baby in Ethiopia.  This whole journey is beyond what we could do ourselves both in the physical and spiritual realms.  Today, in the face of the unimaginable we are encouraged once again that if God is for us, who could ever even hope to stand against us?  For he is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, and he will carry this work within us on to completion.  To him alone be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!  Amen.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Home Study Visit Tomorrow

Well folks, tomorrow our social worker will come visit our home and complete our home study interviews.  It's a big day!  We're a bit nervous, but mostly just excited to keep rolling forward.  Will you please pray for us?  That God gives us peace and the time to prepare our home.  Please pray that our remaining interviews go well and that our favorable home study will be ready to submit to immigration before the end of this year.  We have a bit more money to raise, and God has been so faithful in providing all of our needs that we are confident he will again bless us with more than we could ask or imagine.  Thanks for the love and support!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Expectant Waiting

In keeping with my declaration to post my Advent musings I wanted to share the quote I read yesterday from the Advent devotional book handed out at our church: "Advent waiting lives in the certainty that Christ's kingdom is breaking in on us as we speak.  The trick is having the eyes to see."

I think that is the beauty of celebrating Christ's first coming as we live in this world awaiting his second coming.  His Spirit is now with us permanently.  The Church forms his body.  While we prepare and anticipate the celebration of his physical coming to dwell with us as a baby on Christmas, he is very present with us now.  The culmination of his coming kingdom can be glimpsed now, cracks of light shining where it is breaking in, because he is here with us, inspiring us, empowering us, anointing us to proclaim its coming and to begin ushering it in as we live, so eager in our expectation of it, as though it has already come. 

The trick is having the eyes to see it.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Advertisements and Advent

Since I sent out Christmas letters last week announcing our adoption and advertising this blog as the place to keep up-to-date with us, I thought it would be a good idea to keep the blog up-to-date.  We hosted a Pampered Chef open house yesterday and it went fabulous!  We hit the total sales mark where both the donation percentage and the consultant's commission (which she is generously donating too!) take a jump.  That means that 32% of ever sale will go to us.  We're keeping the sale open until Dec. 8 so if you need some holiday baking supplies, or have a cook to shop for you can still shop online at www.pamperedchef.biz/mariechrist.  Just use my name as the host.  We also listed some new items on Etsy.com yesterday.  Our store name is Taylor Adoption

Our goal is still to have our home study completed by Christmas, and we are so thankful as God is already providing our needs to meet that goal.

As today is the first Sunday in Advent, I also wanted to share some thoughts from our Sunday School lesson today.  The Scripture reading was out of Isaiah 2, but I read through chapter 1 this morning as well.  Twice within Isaiah 1 orphans are discussed.  First Judah is commanded to "Defend the cause of the fatherless", and later is chastised for neglecting to do just that.  Obviously those verses stood out strongly in my mind.  Against that backdrop I read Isaiah 2:1-5 where Isaiah describes what it will be like in the last days when the LORD rules the world from Zion.  After expressing sorrow and exasperation over the current state of Judah Isaiah offers a glimpse of what is to come.  And that's how our advent season begins; with a promise of the glory to come when God will dwell among men.

It is so easy to become caught up in the world around us, whether that be the frantic consumer culture of the United States or the soul crushing poverty experienced in the third world.  Amidst all that God calls to us in this Advent season with a promise bringing hope, a glimpse of peace.  And here lies the beautiful mystery of Christmas, that into our lost and raging world God entered in as, Jesus, Emmanuel, God with us.

I've never really participated specifically in an advent observance, but I'm excited to this year!  I hope to be able to share some more thoughts from this time of anticipation and reflection.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Going Public

This is my beautiful family, but it is not complete.  I know I alluded to it in my last post, but tonight I want to make my proclamation - we are adopting a baby from Ethiopia.

It fills my heart with so much joy to share that.  I'll admit that I've struggled with fear and doubt.  Not that this is what we are supposed to be doing, but that something will happen to stop us in our tracks.  Obstacles have sprung up from the moment we decided this is what God was calling us to do, but every obstacle has been overcome or completely nullified.  So what am I waiting for?  Rejoice with us as we grow our little family by one sweet baby waiting for us in Ethiopia!

Monday, November 8, 2010

Bull's Eye

Today I'm feeling the bully's eye on my behind as we move forward in following God's call.  We already knew this would be a grueling week leading up to an overwhelming weekend filled with an art show, parents and grandparents coming to visit, and preaching on Sunday.  Also our first home study interview has been scheduled for next week.  It's a lot, sure, but we're thrilled to be moving forward.  I think that moving forward in our adoption and choosing to preach about adoption might be pushing some powers of darkness into a frenzy.  Emerson came to me at 6:20 this morning to tell me the Honda was breaking down.  Now the Honda has been a little champ the past 4 years amassing around 150,000 miles, but we knew he would run forever.  We didn't expect, however, that he would break down less than 72 hours have getting our van out of the shop for some serious (and seriously expensive!) repairs.  Why does this feel like a spiritual attack?  Because the financial toll of the repairs targets my deepest insecurities about the adoption right as we make a big push forward, and as we prepare to rally support for adoption within our church.  Not to mention the huge drain on my time from making 2 trips into Sedalia today when I already feel like I have limited time to prepare for Sunday.

All in all, I've remained joyful today.  I'm exhausted, but defeated.  I'm discouraged by our circumstances, but not dissuaded from our course.  I can taste God's goodness.  I can see the victory on the horizon.  I have faith that God will prove himself to be glorious beyond imagination.  And I trust that nothing comes into my life that has not first passed through God's hand.  What he does not remove he will bring me through. 

Lord, help me to walk by faith and not by sight.  I want to please you.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Committed

In many areas of my life I feel like I've been holding back, not giving my all, hiding my heart.  It's exhausting and soul draining.  You'd think that being fully engaged would take more effort, but I'm finding that to be so not true.  Splitting myself into pieces and trying to accomplish anything of significance without giving my all, that takes tremendous effort.  Self-preservation is funny that way.  You usually end up losing yourself anyways in the end, but have nothing to show for it since the thing you were striving the hardest for has still eluded your grasp.

Jeremiah 29:13-14 says,  "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."  All your heart.  God certainly asks a lot.  But God gives infinitely more in return.  Every pitiful ounce of my feeble will? Every piece of my ugly, sin-stained heart?  All this and God will give me... Himself?  His mighty, loving, incomparably glorious self?  Wow.  Doesn't really seem like a fair deal.  And maybe that's why we have a hard time going along with it.  We don't trust it to be true because of how intimately aware we are of our unworthiness.  So we try to protect our battered hearts instead of living out of a fully engaged heart. 

 Jesus speaks to this very tendency when he says, "For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." (Luke 9:24)  Will we find the same life, the same heart, we that lose for Jesus sake?  Nope.  Praise God.  He give us a better life than the one our finite minds conceive to be best for us.  He gives us Himself?  What could be better than a life lived in fellowship with the Lord?

Just this morning my lovely sisters from Bible study and I finished our study "Believing God", the foundation of which was a five statement pledge of faith.  Today, I'm choosing to believe God.  I'm believing that he is who he says he is and he will do what he says he can do.  I believing God will give me a life blessed with his presence when I seek him with all of my heart.

Here I go.  No more holding back.  No more offering only pieces of myself.  No more hiding my heart.  I'm committing to being committed. 

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Enjoying the Process

Lately I've been learning a lot about enjoying the process.  I realize that I tend to get caught up in getting to the finished product and by doing that I am missing the simple joy of being present in the moment.  Ane has been helping me with this.  I usually hate letting her "help" me make things, especially in the kitchen, especially when I'm baking.  This week I let her help me make some muffins.  She really delights in helping me.  In mixing (and getting flour all over the counter.)  When I make baking "my thing", I miss out on sharing in her joy of just being with me doing something together.  I realize that if I want her to enjoy spending time with me in a few years, when she can actually be helpful, then I need to lay that foundation now.  The muffins turned out pretty good.  We devoured the whole batch in 2 days.  So we made rice krispy treats a few days later.  And it was fun!

Today we took this new perspective to a whole new level.  My sewing machine is something that I guard.  It's not super nice or anything, but I bought it and sitting at it is one place where I feel creative.  Ane really wants to help me sew things.  So today I found ways to let her help me.  We made stuffed felt strawberries.  She was so excited about our project.  She even made up a song about me.  "Mama makes good stuff... she makes me strawberries... great things... Mama makes great things."  I could have sat up by myself tonight sewing strawberries, intent on getting them done and not enjoying the process of making them, but then I would have missed out on the joy that Ane shared with me as I shared my project with her.  I would have missed the song.  I tell my yoga students throughout every class to "Be in the moment."  After trying that out for a few days in my own home, I am learning the wisdom and joy contained in that advice.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

New Wheels

Since beginning the blog I've gotten sick and have been too tired to think of something coherent to say.  That hardly means that exciting life moments haven't been happening all around me.  And though I've certainly lost my temper and become frustrated, the motivation to remain joyful has been strong.  Perhaps because my continual exhortation to my 3 year old, Ane, has been, "Have a happy heart."  More than anything else, listening to her whine about something sends me over the edge with impatience.  Then her feelings get hurt and she whines more.  So we're working on having a good attitude together.  I'm thankful for a tip from some of my fantastic mom friends to have a jelly bean jar to encourage and reward good attitudes.  On the agenda for tomorrow: buy jelly beans.  Just the idea of gaining and losing jelly beans was a strong motivator for Ane today.  I'll be sure to update regarding the success of this new system.

Now to the really exciting things going on over the past few days.  My husband and I have been talking for months, maybe even years about getting a minivan.  We're only 26, so this may seem premature, but with two kids, a new puppy, and a strong desire to continue growing our family, we're ready to trade in coolness for practicality.  Our recent vacation to visit my family solidified our desire for more space NOW. 

With a limited budget, we casually began our search on Craigslist.  The sixth posting from the top was for a Windstar at the perfect price.  Wonder of wonders, we were the first the reply.  Today was the day to go take it for a test drive.  The owner lived about an hour away, so we tried to be on the ball getting out the door on time.  Right.  Like that would actually happen.  Stuff got spilled.  Directions were forgotten.  Baby Juniper even pooed right after being put in her carseat and needed a last minute change.  It was chaos, but my heart was prepared.  When I got up this morning I read through Psalm 37.  God spoke to my heart about his sole ability to uphold and provide for all who trust in him.  Even if we were running late, even if the van wasn't road worthy, even if our price was rejected, God was on our side, ever and always lovingly working for our good.

The van was better than we expected.  The seller was so kind and instantly smitten with our little girls.  Emerson goes to pick it up tomorrow.  He even just told me that he found a friend to ride out to get it with him so that the girls and I don't have to make the trip again.  What faithful provision from our loving Father?

This is certainly just the first step of what I know will be a CRAZY adventure of growing our little family, but what a way to begin!  With hearts swelling with joy and love.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Finally A Name

So I've been contemplating beginning a blog for months. I've found so much creative instruction and inspiration from other blogs and have thought that I, too, would enjoy the creative outlet of sharing my thoughts, aspirations and creations. And yet I've been reluctant to actually begin my own blog. Sure, a part of me feels intimidated to write for anyone to read, but I'll be honest, the biggest deterrent to beginning this blog has been coming up with a name. Silly, I know, but I figured that the name is what people read first and I wanted it to be something that was reflective of me and the content of my blog. Then tonight I was on the phone with my mom. We had just spent over a week visiting my parents, and Mom was telling me that whenever someone asked her how it was having everyone home to visit her reply was, "Joyful chaos."

And there it was. A name for my blog. Joyful Chaos is as much of a description as it is a challenge for me. As much as I try to organize and manage my life, the fact is that living life to the fullest entails quite a bit of chaos. It is the attitude of the heart that matters. And so my prayer is that the theme of joyful chaos would challenge me to check the attitude of my heart in all circumstances and to live with true joy.

So I'll do my best to be real here; knowing that happiness is fleeting, but true joy flows from the heart.