So we're still #20, or we miss counted when referrals were coming in this fall and have just become #20. Either way, I'm starting to hate the #20 as much as I hated the #30. Bleech. Waiting is hard. But God is good. His plans for me are good. His timing is perfect. We found out last week that the estimated wait times for families at the top of the referral list (which I guess we are since I'm certain the list has well over 100 families waiting since it was at 90+ back in October) has changed from 12 months to 15-18 months. The agency official estimated wait time has always been 12 months, but when we submitted our paperwork to get onto the list back in April families were getting their referrals after only 6-9 months. We started hoping for a referral by Christmas. We were #20 at Christmas. That was 2 months ago. So we started hoping for February. Still 20. Now our agency says that instead of hoping for a referral in April (12 months) we should adjust our expectations again to sometime between July and October. That was sad, hard news. My plans seemed so good! My plans didn't include having to update our home study and reapply to USCIS. My plans were simple, straightforward. Not this twisting path of hope and disappointment. I'll confess this though - my faith would be so much smaller and weaker had I not been led on this winding path. These are the verses that have been speaking to my heart recently:
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that they testing of your faith develops PERSEVERANCE. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. - James 1:2-4
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, who he has given us. - Romans 5:3-5
Of course this journey we've been on for a year and a half is about adopting a son from Ethiopia. But I'm learning that when God's Spirit calls you to something its rarely ever just about the thing. Remember that saying, "The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing, and the main thing is Jesus."? It's true. I've learned so much about orphans and God's heart for adoption, and the spiritual realities of our sonship as we've been adopted into the family of God through faith in Jesus. But I'm also learning much about myself, my faith, my relationship with Jesus, the fears that I think I keep hidden.
God is good. His plans for me are good. His timing is perfect. It is his love, not any number on a list or estimated wait time, that pours hope into my heart. Hope anchored to Christ never disappoints.
